Is Molly a Hater or Simply Insecure? 

Issa Rae (Issa) and Yvonne Orji (Molly) Insecure Season 4 Episode 1  

'Lowkey Feelin' Myself'

Since the start of the fourth season of HBO's Insecure on April 12th, fans of the series have taken a great dislike for Molly as we watch her transform from Issa's number one home-girl, into her number one hater.  I walked away from the first episode of the new season,  'Lowkey Feelin' Myself' confused and incredibly bothered.  I mean, why was Molly seemingly jealous of Issa after all her bestie had been through to get her to this pivotal time in her life where she was finally learning to turn lemons into lemonade?  Sure she showed up to her Block Party Sponsor Recruiting event, but it was quite obvious that she attended with the intent that she was merely there to support Issa when her event turned into a spectacle.  By the end of episode two, 'Lowkey Distant', I felt a sense of sorrow for Molly as they overlooked the Hollywood hills during self-care Sunday's hike.  Why was Molly being withdrawn from Issa?  Was she jealous of Issa's newly found stability, or was she jealous of Issa's budding friendship with Condolla?  Did Molly even know she was exuding negative, hater vibes?! 

Disturbed by Molly's behavior, I sat down with my father, Dr. Mathias Ngwa (aka Dr. Daddy), a licensed Clinical Psychologist, Diplomate, and Member of American Board of School Neuropsychology, to unload all of my Insecure woes.  I was astounded by his initial reaction when he asked, "Well, is Molly being a hater, or is she really just insecure?" Dr. Daddy found it interesting that although Issa tends to wear her insecurities on her sleeve, Molly is battling with internal insecurities that hinder her from sustaining mature, adult relationships.  In his professional opinion, Molly's behavior is reminiscent of someone who denies emotional support from those closest to her, as a self defense mechanism to maintain the facade that her life is in perfect condition.  So what's Dr. Daddy's advise? "She must first learn who she is, then become comfortable with that person, before she can reveal her true self to the world." 

Mathias Ngwa, PsyD, ABSNP, LPA

Have you ever found yourself in Molly's shoes, feeling insecure without understanding why?  Check out the following steps recommended by Dr. Daddy, to help you get on the road to emotional and mental security. 

1. Unveil your identity.

In order to understand how to become comfortable within your own skin, you must first understand who you are so you can discover why you face specific challenges.  This includes looking back at your life starting from infancy: 

  • The Bonding Phase

    • Knowing conditions under which you were brought into the world.  What level of stress did your mother undergo during her pregnancy?  Were your parents in a healthy relationship?  Do you have siblings or are you the only child?  What socioeconomic factors were you brought into? 

  • The Attachment Phase

    • Post birth, how was your relationship with your parents?  Were you physically, emotionally and mentally embraced?  How did you relate to your teachers?  What level of interaction did you experience with your peers?  

  • Traumatic Experiences

    • Did you undergo any traumatic experiences such as physical, mental or emotional abuse?  Did you lose a loved one or deal with rejection as a child?

  • Family History 

    • What is your family mental history?  Do you recognize any similar mindsets between you and your family members?  Do any generational curses exist? Is there a family history of depression, anxiety, or any other mental disorder?

These factors allow insight into a persons psyche  and would be the basis at which a Psychotherapist would establish a treatment plan to combat present insecurities. 

2. Determine Your Next Plan of Action

As G.I Joe often says "Now you know, and knowing is half the battle."  Once you have determined that you are dealing with insecurities, the next step to arriving at a healthy mindset is to review all healthy anecdotes you have applied in the past to cope with your muddled thoughts. 

      suppress stress? 

While some individuals have had success with establishing self adaption methods, these are often times not permanent solutions for establishing a healthy mental state.  As time goes on, if you find that there is still an unhealthy element impairing you from establishing healthy interpersonal relationships, it will be  time to consider  speaking  to a mental health professional.  

3. Ways to Identify the Best Therapist for you.

Undergoing treatment with a therapist you simply cannot relate to can lead to frustration when signs of recover is not visible.  The following are fire-proof tips to securing the right therapist for you.

  • Research a Psychologist in your area that is equipped with the ability to perform a clinical assessment.  This assessment will allow for official reporting noting your psychological diagnosis and recommended treatment plan and may be covered by your health insurance benefit if you have met deductible requirements.  If you don't have this insurance benefit, look for a Psychologist operating on a pay-scale, allowing increased affordability for you as the client.  

  • Find 2-3 Therapists well rated Psychologists in your area that specialize in treating your specific challenges.  The searches can be made through websites such as Psychology Today and Psychologist Locator.

  • Schedule a complementary consultation with each therapist in order to allow you to gain an understanding of which style of therapy you are most comfortable with. ​No two therapists are made cut from the same cloth so it's important to get a feel for each therapist in order to determine who you are most comfortable with. 

Securing a therapist that not only offers the right treatment plan for you, but one who you can also mentally and emotionally connect with, will allow you to continue your journey to healing in a safe space. 

Now, I don't know about you, but while I enjoy watching Molly and Issa both working out their insecurities every Sunday night on HBO at 10pm EST, I hope they can both get it together and get back to being the besties we've grown to love and admire.  We'd love to know what your thoughts on the current state of Molly and Issa's friendship.  Do you think Molly is being a hater this season?  How do you think her friendship with Issa will end up?  

Special thank you to Dr. Ngwa for sharing his insights with us!  Keep up with him online on Psychology Today or on the Interwebs.  

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